Bow Before Birdbrain
A smaller piece today since I’m running behind schedule. Bow Before Birdbrain is a short spoof of the current IDW Transformers offering All Hail Megatron, but with more Pretender Monsters and Jumpstarters! Hopefully it stands up on its own well enough so that you dont’ need to read AHM, but who knows!
Bow Before Birdbrain
Page 1
Panel 1
The Deluxe Insecticons are busy stamping on an orphanage
Caption: EARTH.
Barrage: Crushing children is so fun and adult! I’m glad we made the PRETENDER MONSTERS joint Decepticon leaders!
Panel 2.
FULL-TILT runs up to a shadowy figure (Birdbrain)
Full-Tilt: Sir sir, I’ve had a letter from ALL THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD!
Panel 3
Full-Tilt opens the letter and reads it to the shadowy figure.
Full-Tilt: They say that they saw us smash this small American town and so are all totally surrendering without exception! Go team!
Panel 4
(Inset) We see Birdbrain’s pretender shell hissing open. He starts to step out
Birdbrain: Excellent….
Panel 5
Splash over the bottom half of the page. Birdbrain looking maniacal whilst the rest of his cronies stand about
Birdbrain: Now the Earth will learn to…
Title: BOW BEFORE BIRDBRAIN!
PAGE 2
Panel 1
Birdbrain is walking along explaining his plan to Icepick
Birdbrain: See, now we’ve conquered this small insignificant planet, we have no need to invade any other world…
Panel 2
Birdbrain turns to the reader, raising a fist
Birdbrain: Decepticons, commence Operation: Loiter!
Panel 3
A lineup of all the Decepticons loitering. Slog is tapping his foot, Birdbrain has his arms crossed and is whistling, Actionmaster Thundercracker is looking at his watch, Astrotrain is playing with a toy train making ‘choo choo’ noises, Double-Punch is reading Panini Armada etc.
Panel 4
Full-Tilt runs up to Birdbrain again, all in a tizzy.
Full-Tilt: Sir sir! Sorry to disrupt your pointless meandering sir, but the US Army has just launched an attack on us. And they are using a TINY DINGHY!
Birdbrain: Do not fear, return to standing about aimlessly…
Panel 5
Micromaster Flattop is on his little boat. He is leaning over the side, and a sinking dinghy has just crashed into the side.
Caption: “…Flattop will deal with all naval opposition!”
FX: SPLUTCH
Flattop: Uuh did I just hit something? Sorry!
PAGE 3
Panel 1
Hot Rod steps out of the loo.
Caption: Meanwhile on Cybertron…
FX: Flushing noise
Hot Rod: Hey guys, I’ve just been thinking and…
(link)
…OH BY PRIMUS!
Panel 2
Inside of Autobase Cybertron. It is horrid and dusty, Roadbuster is playing cards against Whirl, the dead body of Optimus Prime slumped in another chair. Cliffjumper is by a coffee machine etc etc. Kup stands in the foreground, cigar in mouth.
Kup: Glad you made it lad! There’s been some CHANGES in the seconds since you’ve been away…
Panel 3
Kup leads Hot Rod by the shoulders
Hot Rod: I see someone let you out of your box…
Kup: Aye. And Optimus Prime is dead (again) and we’ve gone back to Cybertron
Panel 4
Hot Rod points out the window at the surface of Cybertron, a desolate wasteland with lightning forking in the sky
Hot Rod: But… but Cybertron is a deadly radioactive wasteland!
Panel 5
Close up on Kup standing next to the window. Outside it is a beautiful green landscape with trees and bunnies, and a pixie is floating in the air next to him, and little singing fish and stuff
Kup: No lad, it’s all better now…
PAGE 4
Panel 1
Topspin is looking on a computer, angrily. Twin Twist and Gears are standing behind him, also
looking angry and shaking their fists
Topspin: I don’t believe it; someone is disagreeing with me on the internet!
Twin Twist: Throw a brick through his window!
Gears: Accuse him of Powerlinxing with Minicons!
Panel 2
Hot Rod scratches his head
Hot Rod: But Kup, where are all the other guys? Like the Technobots?
Kup: We don’t talk about their sort, boy…
Panel 3.
A view of the back of the Autobase, outside in the wasteland. There is a large CHEMICAL SHED with the dead bodies of the Technobots lying outside, a bullet hole in each of their heads
Caption: “…Post-Movie Autobots aren’t welcome anymore”
Caption: “Coming over here, taking our jobs…”
Panel 4.
Hot Rod makes a fist and shakes it in the air
Hot Rod: We can’t let the Decepticons win Kup! We must regroup, fight back, save the universe!
Panel 5
Kup is now sitting around the card table, lighting his energon-cigar
Kup: Important things first lad. Now sit down, take a break and have an energon cigar…
Panel 6.
Kup lights the cigar, it explodes
PAGE 5
Panel 1
On earth, Birdbrain and co are standing about. Full-Tilt has a hardhat on and is looking at some plans.
Birdbrain: We must prepare! The Autobots might come swooping down on us at any moment! Start building the defenses!
Panel 2
In Autobase Cybertron, the Autobots are all sitting around the card table playing cards. They look rather bored. Sunstreaker is using Optimus Prime’s head as an ashtray. Hot Rod stares intently at his cards
Hod Rod: Go fish
NEXT ISSUE:
Can the Autobots survive… THE COFFEE MACHINE BREAKING?
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